No.1 The Gulou Hipsters
They live in hutongs or those six-floor buildings. They like Baijiu, Peking duck and bragging that they know where to get the best dumplings. Their obsession with Beijing fixates on the antique and crappy parts of the city which fuels their oriental fantasy. Most conversations with Gulou hipsters revolve around them recounting funny exchanges they had with taxi drivers in Chinese, providing a convenient excuse for them to show off.
No.2 The Wudaokou Students
The loyal customers of La Bamba, Propaganda, and that one Xinjiang restaurant at Minzu University which has just THE BEST 大盘鸡. Easily spotted by their baseball jackets, sneakers, backpacks and the innocent, vapid, pimply smile. Learning the language? Only if it helps them fuck Chinese chicks. (Oops, except for the gays, and the Koreans)
No.3 The English Teachers
When foreigners say they are English teachers, actually they are telling only one thing about themselves: a don't-know-what-to-do-with-his-life loser. No offense, it's okay to take it temporarily or as a part-time, but in the long run, dude you need to pull yourself together. Easily recognized (and avoided) by the shit-eating grin they wear into Kokomo after 1am.
No.4 The iBankers
Expensive suits, first class planes, five star hotels, the iBankers are exactly the opposite of the Gulou hipsters. Most often encountered at D Lounge (D for douchebag) or prowling for Glamor Asians at Xiu, and make people who are not as rich as them fall in love with hip-hop and rap. They don't even enjoy Beijing, since as long as they are making a shit load of money, they don't give a fuck.
No.5 The Yuppies
The yuppies are determined to graduate to iBanker level or die trying, which they express by behaving like them in every way, except cheaper, and less annoying. They consider Beijing as a wonderland full of business opportunities, but they would not spend one second improving their Chinese, because English is still the language of commerce.
No.6 The Worn Out Junkies
Different from addicts of Chinese food, the junkies don't care what they eat as long as it is edible (sometimes even not, depend on what they are on). Eyes wide shut, they wander around like vampires at night, and if you spot one of them lost on the street, please gently point them back to DADA.
No.7 The Righteous Fighters
China has no democracy! Air pollution kills! Donate for the kids! The righteous fighters are those yelling at the camera, tweeting extreme opinions, and brain washing everyone who approaches them. Among them, you'll feel that China still has a long way to go to make it to a real dictatorship.
No.8 The Glamorous Asians
The Chinese incarnation of Cinderella's evil stepsisters, they exist to make you other Asians look bad. Perfectly trained muscles and flawless makeup are their name cards. They wield their bilingual skills to rock both foreigner parties and the KTV scene all over the city. They've come back to the motherland, but only to conquer.
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